Never in all my 18 years have I ever felt so shit. Had an amazing holiday with the girls though, don’t think I’ve ever laughed so much, but laughing is the last thing I feel like doing now. Can’t speak, can’t sleep without coughing, can’t move without my head pounding, feel like I’m made up of 50% vodka and 50% snot… form a queue boys x
Every time I hear your name it feels like I’ve been punched. I’m getting punched daily, and it hurts every single time.
I’ve had the most lovely couple of nights with the girls getting drunk and celebrating Aimee’s birthday, we’re all going on holiday tomorrow and I’m unbelievably giddy, and yet I still wake up every morning and cry
Also hate myself for giving someone the power to make me feel so shit
I am already so tired of feeling like this, every time I’m alone with no distractions and nothing else to occupy my mind but the things I’m spending most of the day trying so hard not to think about. I feel sick with hurt and longing and I feel pathetic for feeling this bothered when the feeling clearly isn’t reciprocated. I feel useless and worthless and I don’t even want to leave the house because I feel so disgusting, and nothing can make me feel better, it’s relentless and I’m already tired
The thought of being 20 next year is terrifying. How did that even happen? Where has this year gone? Why can I still not make a good brew by myself?
I am better off alone than with someone who treats me as though I am worthless. It’s taken an embarrassingly long time for me to realise this.